This is a list of movies that were just flat out terrible and atrocious. These aren’t technically the worst movies I’ve ever seen but there’s nothing I hate more than a movie that you think is gonna be great and then just be terrible, and these are movies that aren’t so bad they’re hilarious like for example The Room and Battlefield Earth, these are movies that, to me, looked like they were gonna be good but then amounted to being nothing more than complete shit. Well enough talking let the ranting begin.
10. Avatar
I don’t care what anyone says, THIS MOVIE SUCKED! It was flashy, unoriginal, cliché garbage. I’m sick and tired of people calling this the best movie of the decade or even of all time. All it is, is Dancing with Wolves meets, dare I say it, Ferngully. Now I will give credit where it’s due because the effects in this are spectacular, a crowning achievement, but that does not mean this movie deserves all it got, I mean a nomination for best picture?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Not to mention it started the 3-D craze and god know how much I hate 3-D. I just hope James Cameron will get back to the story in whatever his next film will be, and not whore himself with stupid effects that take away from good plot development and story.
9. Lost in Space
This movie suffers from, what I like to call, trailer mirage. This is when a movie looks like it is going to be a really cool movie but ends up completely failing and sucking. Hard. I mean when I saw this trailer it looked really good. There was action, sci-fi adventure, cool looking effects, the works. But unfortunately this ended up being a skid mark on the underpants of society. Talk about over and under acting done by the cast, lazy writing, and just stupid story telling. Oh yeah, and Joey from friends is in this. I guess I should’ve known it was gonna be bad if he was involved.
8. Orphan
I had a feeling before seeing this one that it would end up sucking a big one, but I still had hopes for it. When I saw the trailer for this it interested me because it looked similar to movies like The Omen and the beginning of Halloween when Michael Myers, as a kid, killed his sister. If done well this idea as a child being a killer can be affective, mainly because they are the last thing you’d expect to be a killer. Orphan did it completely wrong and I was pissed off about for two reasons. One: it was basically just a generic horror, bad acting, plot twists that make no sense, and lazy writing, that offered nothing new to the genre. But the second, and most important, reason was that the so called “major twist” in this movie was the dumbest, absolute bull shit thing I’ve ever seen up to that point. I could not believe what the plot twist was. If you haven’t seen this and want to know what it is just read about it online somewhere because if I get into it I’ll just take up about four pages ranting and raving about this disgraceful kick in the balls to the audience.
7. Batman and Robin
I know the reputation of this movie, and I knew it when I first saw it, but even with this knowledge it still pissed me off at how bad this was. This has bad written all over it. Campy acting, cheap effects, 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 stupid one liners, bat nipples, bat asses, and A BAT CREDIT CAAAAAARD?!!! WHAT THE HELL?!? Not to mention it completely stops with the dark character development all the other Batman’s had, yes even Batman Forever had some pretty good story development. And of course the horrid, HORRID, acting of Arnold Swartzinegger and Uma Therman. It still makes me quiver to think about. But thankfully, this was the final Batman done by Joel Schumacher
6. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
I am a big fan of The Mummy and The Mummy Returns. They were great re-imaginings of the classic mummy tales. I even got a kick out of The Scorpion King because I knew what I was getting into with that, just a corny action movie trying to profit from The Mummy character. But with the third installment of the actual Mummy series I was expecting an action movie with great effects, great acting, and great writing. But instead I got just the opposite of that, bad acting, bad effects, and bad writing. It was just so, bad. It may have been because of the story taking place in china and not Egypt, or it could have been that the most anticipated fight of, possibly, the year between Jet Li and Michelle Yoeh lasted all of ONE MINUTE. Nothing about this movie went right and thankfully this was the final movie in the series…so far.
5. The Happening
I probably should have known what I was getting into with this one but my child-like naivety keeps me hoping that someday we’ll see at least a little glimmer of the old M. Night Shyamalon will shine through the utter crap he’s made since Signs. Which is an appropriate title, because it was a sign of things to come with Shyamalon? The Happening is a movie with a stupid idea about killer plants with terrible dialogue that is used by actors who are good, but for some reason come off looking like they had just come off the set of a Tommy Wiesau film. I mean, it takes some pretty bad direction to make some of these actors look this bad. Mark Wahlberg, an Oscar winning actor, has about the emotional scale of a dry sponge in this. The same with Zooey Deschanel, and she’s one of my favorite actresses! This was just a failed attempt at an “R” rating just to try to bring back Shyamalon. I had hoped this would be his worst movie that could possibly be made. But I was wrong, oh, how I was wrong.
4. The Twilight “Saga”
I had to put these into one category because to me they’re all the same. Here’s a summery, boring girl is new in town, boring girl for some reason is loved by all, girl meets boy, boy is a vampire, girl meets other boy, other boy is a werewolf, vampire and werewolf don’t like each other, girl chooses to stay with vampire because she’s an idiot and if she actually chose the werewolf she would have a happier and normal life and he wouldn’t just stare at her like the vamp does. Because that’s all he does. So yeah these movies are stupid, and they ruined the vampire. And don’t even get me started on the acting, the best actor in the who series is Bella’s dad. I actually wish the story was about him! It would be way more interesting. Think about it, a cop in a small town where mysterious killings are taking place and he has to discover who the killer is while he deals with the emotional struggles that are represented when his daughter moves in with him and starts to date the boy who ends up having something to do with the killings. And the twist, that wouldn’t be revealed until the end, is that the town is full of vampires and werewolves. Now that would be a great movie.
3. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Poor, poor Indiana Jones. This could have been so good but unfortunately it was ruined by strange casting choices, a lame story, completely improbable scenarios, and probably the worst ending and explanation since Orphan. ALIENS? REALLY?! Come on Lucas, come on Spielberg. You’re better than that. Putting aliens into Indiana Jones is like putting the Millennium Falcon in The Lord of The Rings movies. IT makes no sense and is just silly. It has to be one of the most ridiculous explanations to a movie, ever. I think South Park put it best when they said that George Lucas and Stephen Spielberg actually raped Indiana Jones on screen. The real thing isn’t too far from that.
2. Gerry
You probably never heard of this which is surprising because this came out in 2002 and it starred Matt Damon and Casey Affleck, Ben Affleck’s more talented brother. This movie literally is nothing, nothing but Damon and Affleck walking through the desert, with little to no dialogue for 92 minutes. It is the equivalent of watching Brad Pitt sitting on a chair and just drinking from a water bottle for an hour. There are 20 minute intervals sometimes where there is absolutely no dialogue and it is just the two walking and drinking from a canteen. I am not exaggerating here, that’s it. It really is. I couldn’t believe it when I saw it. If you don’t believe me then go get it and watch it so you can endure the agony of it. I couldn’t believe I got through the entire thing without shooting someone.
1. The Last Airbender
Well this is the big one. The mother of all agonizingly, painfully, annoying movies of all time. I’ll even go as far as to say it’s the worst movie of all time, yes worse than Battlefield Earth and The Room. Last Airbender was the biggest waste of my life. It was a complete slap in the face of the original cartoon series, which is very good trust me, and a kick in the balls to all the loyal fans who went to see this and expected this, of all things, to be the big comeback of Shyamalon. But of course, he messed it up again and actually made a film that was worse than The Happening, Battlefield Earth, The Room, and Gerry put in a blender and served to all the hopeful movie goers that wish that M. Night will get to his senses and make a good movie for once and not keep screwing us by making trailers that make the movie look pretty damn good and then have end up being the worst movie of all time. Screw you Shyamalon.
